With Histrionics, it’s a NO WIN situation. Here’s what I mean:
#1) They give you guilt trips when you are not paying attention to them.. So, you gradually spend more and more time with them.
#2) But the more time you spend with them, the more cruel they seem, and of course, they blame it on you.
#3) Rinse and repeat from Step 1 until the day that they truly DEVALUE you, and you’re done.
#1) They give you guilt trips.
#2) You decide to hold some boundaries, and not spend any time with them.
#3) Even though they won’t devalue you just yet, it will activate abandonment triggers, which will have them on the search for new NS. Which in turn will lead them to cheat.
#4) When confronted, they will give you guilt trips because you didn’t spend time with them.
So, by looking at it from this perspective, one is but to think that “THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU COULD’VE DONE TO PREVENT HER FROM DOING WHAT SHE DOES, IT’S HER FAULT, NOT YOURS”.
Sometimes I think, maybe I should have spent less time with her, and just gone out and do my things. But in the end, that would’ve meant that probably 1 or 2 years would’ve gone by before the relationship got to this point, and I would’ve been out another 1.5 years, plus countless dollars.
If two healthy people are in love, they should want to spend time together. It draws two people CLOSER, not further apart.
Self-Centered - It’s all about them. Whereas a healthy person will weigh the needs and feelings of others, your HPD couldn’t care less. What she would care about is getting caught and suddenly her mask no longer works.
Refusal to Accept Personal Responsibility for Their Behavior -
They will never accept personal responsibility. Her cheating and all other forms of betrayl are somehow your fault, or she will just go ahead and paint you as the abusive one. Anything to avoid accountability.
Self-Justification - HPD’S don’t think, reason, fee, or behavel normally. What they do instead is justify all of their behaviors. The HPD view is that they are the true victims of society or at the hands of others so are therefore justified in cheating, manipulating, deceiving, criminal or other abusive behaviors. In this case, your HPD might say ‘It’s your fault I slept with the neighbor. Had you paid more attention maybe I would have stayed home’
Entitlement - An HPD will convince themselves that they are entitled to cheat with that new guy. In fact, they feel entitled to all of the money, attention, fame, power they can get. If they don’t get it, they then will cause an uproar to get what they want. Moreover, what is worse is they use this sense of entitlement to punish. If you violate one of their rules or demands, or you discover their poor behaviors, they will feel entitled to punish you in some way. An example of this would be a smear campaign. It is emotional blackmail at best…
Situational Morality - HPD’s will always say ‘I have to do what I got to do’ to get their needs/demands met. They have few social or personal boundaries. They have no objection to harm you or even themself in order to meet their needs. This is where you see the chameleon in them come out. They pick their target and quickly form into something they feel will aatract that target. HPD’s have no hesitation about self-injury and will cut themselves, overdose,faint, threaten suicide, or otherwise injure themselves with the goal of retaining their partner using guilt and obligation.
Bottom line - Manipulation is their prime way of life. Histrionic Personalities may create dramatic situations, threaten self-harm, or create social embarrassment. Anything to get their prize.
Once you realize they have shallow emotions at best, have little regard for social norms, and will do whtever it takes to get their target, you then realize just how seriously disturbed they are…the book title ‘emotional vampires’ was no coincidence.
Wiser, they live in a world of impulses and appear that they cannot nor usually want to control them. Your on a pedestal with them one day, and the next day they are planning your demise.
There is no ryhme or reason, only triggers in a broken soul. If you look down far enough you will find insanity at the root.
When you boil it down, Histrionics are Rapists.
Sexual assault (ie: the classic form of rape) IS NOT about sex. It’s about taking control, power, domination away from the victim.
Histrionism is worse. They use your own ideals to make themselves look like whatever your heart yearns for. The happiness will be short lived though. Manipulation, violence from them will come later.